The performing Abuser

Job place abusers and other abusers like to strategically locate themselves to be seen by their targets while they perform.

These people can be as common as your spouse or a supposed friend, or even a fellow employee of equal or higher position than you.

The reason they target innocent victims can stem from secret envy or contempt or because the spirit in them recognises and opposes the spirit of Christ in the believer.

Ive learned not to look at them when they are “performing” which can be-MUCH OF THE TIME-.

They do it to convince you- (their target) of their “projected” contrived reality.

(Which is probably a lie in the making.)

Insted of watching their staged performances, I keep a “mental GPS” on them or track them only peripherally , WHILE I FOCUS on my Job duties and ACTIVITIES. 

I do not to look at them durring this time of them performing.

This way they percieve they have lost their target audience. ( the believer in Christ.)

Offer no eye contact to them, “unless” they speak directly to you, or address you personally.

(This way you dont encourage or validate their performing lies.)

This game reversal is all about who is really more comfortable in their skin, and validating the true reality.

True christians are  generally confident in their skin, and nothing is contrived- because they are comfortable with themselves and flow in their element of truth.

Abusers however try to convince their “target” audience by getting them to watch their contrived acting  facade..

“You will notice that while they are performing, they will look to see if you are watching- as this is part of their plan.

But when the intended target is not intrested or watching, then- the goal of performance projection for the abuser becomes frustrated.

It is very important to the abuser that you pay attention, but instead if you keep yourself busy- it will take from their end goal, and wont validate their efforts.

(And if they cant convince their targets of their “contrived” reality- they ultimately wont be able to convince themselves.)

They can not keep up this false pretence “without the watching reward”  from their “target” audience.(you)

I have found that by employing this counter tactic when the believer sences a performing abuser in his or her midst, over time (the truth) will become THE  sustained reality .

These people have turned the world upside down!

A Cry For Justice

Paul and Silas in Thessalonica

Now when they had passed through Amphipolis and Apollonia, they came to Thessalonica, where there was a synagogue of the Jews.

And Paul went in, as was his custom, and on three Sabbath days he reasoned with them from the Scriptures, explaining and proving that it was necessary for the Christ to suffer and to rise from the dead, and saying, “This Jesus, whom I proclaim to you, is the Christ.”

And some of them were persuaded and joined Paul and Silas, as did a great many of the devout Greeks and not a few of the leading women.

But the Jews were jealous, and taking some wicked men of the rabble, they formed a mob, set the city in an uproar, and attacked the house of Jason, seeking to bring them out to the crowd. And when they could not find them, they dragged…

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How victim’s responses to abuse are mis-labelled, and how abusers’ tactics of abuse are mis-labelled.

A Cry For Justice

Most people (and most of our social institutions) do not know how to honour the many creative ways victims resist abuse, oppression and violence. Rather than seeing and honoring a victim’s resistance, they see the victim’s responses to the abuse as indicating her deficiency or defectiveness. And because they see her as deficient, they put negative labels on her behavior.

Examples of how victims resist abuse and how people negatively label victims’ resistance

If a victim resists the abuse by not sharing her emotions, people may label her as “emotionally detached” or “having flat affect” or “unable to express emotions” or “avoidant”.

If she resists the abuse by not doing what the abuser wants her to do, people might label her as “passive-aggressive” or “difficult/uncooperative”.

If she resists the abuse by refusing to stoop to the abuser’s level of behavior and by doing nice things for him, people might label…

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Abusers in the Pew Indicate a Deficiency in the Pulpit

A Cry For Justice

But in the prophets of Jerusalem I have seen a horrible thing: they commit adultery and walk in lies; they strengthen the hands of evildoers, so that no one turns from his evil; all of them have become like Sodom to me, and its inhabitants like Gomorrah.” (Jeremiah 23:14)

“I did not send the prophets, yet they ran; I did not speak to them, yet they prophesied. But if they had stood in my council, then they would have proclaimed my words to my people, and they would have turned them from their evil way, and from the evil of their deeds. (Jeremiah 23:21-22)

If you have been a reader at this blog for very long at all, you know the old, old story. Abusers hide in local churches, parading as model Christians. They gain allies in the church. Their victims are ostracized and blamed and sometimes even ex-communicated. This…

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“Reconciliation” With an Abuser is the Twilight Zone

A Cry For Justice

We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous. (1 John 3:12)

There are two brief times every 24 hours when darkness and light attempt to co-exist. Dawn and twilight. (Hey, pretty good book title: The Dawn of Twilight. No idea what that means, but it’s good, right?). Anyway, at dawn and at twilight, light and darkness mix it up. Just for a bit. The sun rises, the night recedes. The sun sets and night comes. One shows up, the other must go.

Day and night. We even use that phrase to describe two things that are radically different: “Man, those two are as different as day and night.” The Bible uses these images, light and darkness, to underscore the complete incompatibility of the kingdom of God…

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An Introduction to Evil: Message Delivered at York, PA

A Cry For Justice

Fred and Bonnie Wilt, Founders of OCP

The following message was given by Jeff Crippen at the Overcoming Powerlessness luncheon in York, Philadelphia, on Saturday May 2nd, 2015. Of course, in person, the “script” is not strictly followed, but this manuscript gives the main points of the presentation. Once again, many, many thanks to Fred and Bonnie Wilt and all of the OCP volunteers and board members who made this all happen.  Toward the end of this message Jeff drew from a great article by Barbara Roberts on how not to be duped by the abuser while trying to help his victim.

****

“My health is poor. I am too sick really to get a job. Auto-immune diseases, no doubt from the over two decades of living with the stress of this marriage. I feel no union with him. We live under one roof, but not really. And yet I doubt…

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The Duggar Thing

Grace for my Heart

I have been very hesitant to step into the latest Duggar mess. For those who don’t know, the Duggar family is the very large family featured on television’s “19 kids and counting.” The family is Christian, homeschooled, and followers of Bill Gothard.

Recently the news brought out some facts about the oldest son of the family, things that happened when he was fourteen and fifteen years old. It was obviously handled poorly, and now the whole world seems to be either attacking or defending the family. I won’t go into detail about the crime or about how it was handled. I will only say that I have known some families who have been through this, and that it is very difficult to “handle it well.”

However, when I first learned of this I happened to read the statement made by the boy’s parents. (This young man is now married with…

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Do not Pity the Wicked: Abusers Use Pity as a Snare

A Cry For Justice

But if anyone hates his neighbor and lies in wait for him and attacks him and strikes him fatally so that he dies, and he flees into one of these cities, then the elders of his city shall send and take him from there, and hand him over to the avenger of blood, so that he may die. Your eye shall not pity him, but you shall purge the guilt of innocent blood from Israel, so that it may be well with you.
(Deuteronomy 19:11-13)

Let me apply this Scripture by paraphrasing it a bit:

If anyone hates his wife and sets traps for her and attacks her and strikes her so that her health is ruined and over time she sees herself dying, and he runs off to another church, the elders of his first church shall contact the elders of the church to which he has fled and…

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Non-Negotiables for Effective and Biblical Abuse Ministry

A Cry For Justice

Recently we composed this statement of what we call our “non-negotiables” for abuse ministry. We call them this because they are not points that we are willing to “agree to disagree” with. You might say that this list serves as our philosophy of ministry in this field, and in capsule form states fundamental truths that every abuse ministry must embrace if it is to be effective and biblical. These are the hard-learned truths which determine all of what we do here. They also serve as the criteria by which we evaluate books, speakers, and organizations. Unless such entities adhere to these non-negotiables without reservation, we will not recommend nor endorse them to our readers.

For those ministering in domestic abuse situations, please read this list carefully. If you find that you do not concur with all points in this list, we encourage you to prayerfully reevaluate your beliefs and your practice.

1. A clear…

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There is No Neutrality, No “Innocent” Bystander When We See Abuse

A Cry For Justice

John 7:12-13   And there was much muttering about him among the people. While some said, “He is a good man,” others said, “No, he is leading the people astray.” Yet for fear of the Jews no one spoke openly of him.

Let us hear what Judith Lewis Herman says about this kind of silence which is, in practice, a kind of neutrality:

The conflict between the will to deny horrible events and the will to proclaim them aloud is the central dialectic of psychological trauma. . . . When the truth is finally recognized, survivors can begin their recovery.  But far too often secrecy prevails. . . .  Witnesses as well as victims are subject to the dialectic of trauma. . . . When the traumatic events are of human design, those who bear witness are caught in the conflict between victim and perpetrator.  

It is morally impossible…

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